Can I Cry?!

You know how when you watch some people work out they make it look so easy, like it's nothing. Today my trainer showed me some moves that she wanted me to do and it looked effortless, seriously, like it was nothing. So I get down on the floor to do it and HOLY CRAP, that is NOT as easy as she made it look. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It would be one thing if it was just one of the things she had me do, but it was 4 different things she had me do that totally killed me today. I actually started to cry when she had me do my last set of push-ups with my feet elevated. I hurt ALL OVER! It was a good day and I really do love her, my trainer, she makes me do things I would NEVER do.

I had one of those moments you see on the Biggest Looser in the first few episodes, you know the ones, where the fat person is trying with all their might to do what Julian asks and they break down b/c it's so hard. You know they are feeling like an idiot b/c it IS so hard and part of that crying has nothing to do with how hard it is, it has A LOT to do with the frustration of not being able to do it with out it hurting so much. It has to do with talk going on in their head. Things like, "Why did I let myself get to this point, why did I let myself get so fat and my favorite, why did I eat out all those times?"

I was really hungry when I left today, I wanted to go out and get something, but then I REALLY thought about it and you know, it didn't sound so great any more. All those times I feel like just grabbing a bite to eat at a fast food place is not going to happen any more. Doing all of this has put into perspective the damage I have done to myself. Here's the shocker of all of this, ice cream doesn't even sound good anymore, not really even tempting. I think about all those empty calories and I just can't justify it. I will have a one cheat day a week, but I don't know that I will eat anything really sugary. It just doesn't appeal to me as much anymore when you think, "is this really worth the amout of wk it's going to take to burn these colories off again?"