Frustration

Today was weigh in and check measurements. While I lost 4 lbs. I didn't decrease in body fat% and I didn't loose anything in my hips. I did see small losses in everything else. I know I should be happy about 4 lbs, but I'm kind of frustrated with the whole thing. I am having a down day and I can feel things off inside me. My mood is somber and I'm jut not feeling myself. It may be due to the fact that wking out wasn't the first thing I did today like it has been all week. This next month I really need to step it up, the wkout the eating better. Today though, today, I'm tired and I just feel sad.

My Nemesis

Yesterday she got on it and knocked out 15-20 reps like it's no big deal. I get on it and I feel like my upper body is going to crumble to the ground like a boulder crashing down a mountain. This is the one she wants me to do every day?!

Today, it taunts me. I try it, and I promise if it could laugh it would fall over. Every where I go in that gym I can see it and it sits there looking so innocent, so easy. I try again...again...again...finally I just stare at it while I do the machine next to it. Can it be possible that this, this innocent looking machine could be my nemesis?

I leave, but tomorrow is another day and I WILL get the better of it in the end. Even if right now it's winning.

I'm in LOVE!

I can't tell you how much I LOVE my new bodybugg. It has taken the guess work out of my wkouts. I know exactly how many calories my body burns during a wkout and how much it burns throughout the day. With the help of the website I know how many calories I can consume in a day too. If my calories burned are more than my calories consumed we have weight loss. So far so good. I know this sounds like a bodybugg endorsement, but I really DO love it!

Ok, so it's been a few days since I logged in here. Friday I was on my own for my wkout so I went and did some of the same things my trainer has me do and it felt great. The AMAZING part for me is I increased the resistance and did the same amount of time but went further than I have gone in the past. I did this on both the Elliptical and bike.

Saturday Clint surprised me with the purchase of a soccer ball. He arranged for a babysitter and we went to play together for an hour. It was so much fun and I felt so much support from Clint is getting my wkout in for the day. Later that night I took the kids on a walk/run and that felt so good. One of the great things I have found since starting all this is I WANT to be outside more with my kids. I want to be active with them.'

Sunday was a lazy day with the family

Today was AWESOME! Ashly, my trainer, had me do some killer abs wkouts that she wants me to do all the time when I'm on my own. Again, it's one of those things that she makes look easy but it's SO not.

Tomorrow, the spinning class. BTW we do our first measurments and weigh in on Friday, I'll let you know.

Feeling good and excited

I got an e-mail this morning telling me my body bugg would be here tomorrow. I am SO EXCITED!!!

The wkout today was great. I feel really good. While I was wking out I was remembering what I had watched on The Biggest Looser last night. For those that missed it, this season is the LARGEST the contestants have EVER been. This is my favorite show. Any way, last night, one of the women is over 400 lbs and she wanted to give up on the first day b/c it "too hard". Jillian got up in her face and in true Jillian fashion, she told her that if she quits she accomplishes nothing and has basically signed her own death certificate. I don't remember if that's exactly what she said, but that's what I heard. So today while I was doing things that my trainer made look like a walk in the park, but really it was hard, I just remembered that. If I give up b/c it's "too hard" what does that tell my kids and what does that do to me?

It's self-destructive talk.

So I pushed though the pain and just did it. I can feel myself getting stronger with somethings, but with others I feel just as weak.
30 min with trainer, 35 min on Elliptical, 30 min on the bike, 20 min stretching. I feel good and I'm going to try to do the spinning class in the morning.

SOOO Tired

This morning I was going to start my spinning class. The problem, it starts at 5:45 am, I went to bed at 11 pm. So when my alarm went off this morning it was hard to motivate myself to go. I did do it though; I got up, ate breakfast, stretched and then realized my knee was killing me. I thought I should ice it, but I never got around to it, I just stretched it A LOT! By the time I finally got out of the house it was 5:45 and I just went and did my usual of 30 min of the bike and 30 on the Elliptical. I had an extra 20 min since I went so early so I walked briskly on the treadmill for that 20 or so min. My knee feels better, but I was exhausted when I got home. Kaily had preschool today and Clint has the car so we walked. Today was really not warm, but super humid. Conner and I got home and we both took naps. It was nice.

BTW, quit Calorie king and ordered a Body bugg. I should get it in a few days. I'll let you know what I think.

AHH, what a difference a weekend can make

Today was great! After my wkout on Friday I was really sore for a few days. My abs hurt like crazy until this morning. I feel good today, my wkout went really well and I found out we weigh and measure next week.

I'm DONE, for today anyway....

I am so sore. Again, she killed me. I am still sore from Wednesday and today we worked some of the same muscles. So, because of how I feel and other things that came up today I didn't do my cardio. I think I really need to take a day and regroup, my body is yelling at me.

WOW, I didn't know that could hurt!

Waking-up this morning was a bit of a challenge. First, I didn't go to bed until 11:30 and then I was incredibly sore from yesterday's wkout. I always feel it worse the next day. I went to the gym though, did my 30 min on the Elliptical and then 25 min on the bike. I feel good, really tired, but good.

I joined a site called Calorie King. You plug in all the food you eat, all the exercises you do and all the water you drink. Based on your weight, how much you want to loose and your height it gives you the amount of calories you need to eat. My question is how is the world does someone eat 1900 calories in a day? Guess I'll find out.

The Weekend and Overcoming

I went to Bear Lake for Labor Day and it was a lot of fun. What wasn't so much fun was the amount of BAD food I ate. I felt guilty about it on Tuesday when my wkout was more challenging than it should have been. I mean, my dad is SUCH a good cook. We're talking, Taco Soup, Potato Delight with cheese, cream of mushroom soup, cream of chicken soup and bacon. Then there was the monster shake and french fries. Not enough water and little to no exercise. I had intentions of doing something, but it never happened.

Monday we came home and I didn't do anything

Tuesday, it was REALLY hard to get up and go to the gym, but I did. I did 30 min on the Elliptical and then 20 in on the bike. The first 20 min was challenging and then it started to feel really good. I tried to improve my eating and vowed to keep going and try again.

Today...today was my Trainer wkout. She did it again, made me cry. She said this was a love/hate relationship. I told her I really did love her b/c she MAKES me do it even when I would give up and then she makes me go further than I think I can. She has been such a great motivator for me. I love that we NEVER do the same wkout twice. Every time I go I can count on it being different, but just as challenging. Today we did walking lunges and running stairs together. Then we moved onto abs and upper arm stuff. It's the arm stuff that makes me cry. I feel like such a baby, but it IS really hard for me. It's kind of frustrating! After I wked out with her I did a 1/2 hr on the bike doing hills. It was challenging and felt really good.

Can I Cry?!

You know how when you watch some people work out they make it look so easy, like it's nothing. Today my trainer showed me some moves that she wanted me to do and it looked effortless, seriously, like it was nothing. So I get down on the floor to do it and HOLY CRAP, that is NOT as easy as she made it look. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It would be one thing if it was just one of the things she had me do, but it was 4 different things she had me do that totally killed me today. I actually started to cry when she had me do my last set of push-ups with my feet elevated. I hurt ALL OVER! It was a good day and I really do love her, my trainer, she makes me do things I would NEVER do.

I had one of those moments you see on the Biggest Looser in the first few episodes, you know the ones, where the fat person is trying with all their might to do what Julian asks and they break down b/c it's so hard. You know they are feeling like an idiot b/c it IS so hard and part of that crying has nothing to do with how hard it is, it has A LOT to do with the frustration of not being able to do it with out it hurting so much. It has to do with talk going on in their head. Things like, "Why did I let myself get to this point, why did I let myself get so fat and my favorite, why did I eat out all those times?"

I was really hungry when I left today, I wanted to go out and get something, but then I REALLY thought about it and you know, it didn't sound so great any more. All those times I feel like just grabbing a bite to eat at a fast food place is not going to happen any more. Doing all of this has put into perspective the damage I have done to myself. Here's the shocker of all of this, ice cream doesn't even sound good anymore, not really even tempting. I think about all those empty calories and I just can't justify it. I will have a one cheat day a week, but I don't know that I will eat anything really sugary. It just doesn't appeal to me as much anymore when you think, "is this really worth the amout of wk it's going to take to burn these colories off again?"

Taking it easy

Today was an early morning with only an hr to wkout so I took it easier today than yesterday. I still did my 30 of cardio and then weights and stretching, but no bike today.

Here are my accomplishments for this morning.

1. I was able to run faster and farther than I did a week ago.
2. It took longer to get my heart rate up.
3. Once heart rate was achieved I was able to maintain it better.
4. My breathing has improved, thus the better heart rate.
5. I increased my reps for crunches.

Keeping a food journal has really helped me be more aware of myself and habits. I write down EVERYTHING, even if I don't want to.

Yeah for these days!

Again, my trainer kicked my butt today. Today she had me do box lunges and bicep curls with a tricep extension to wk the shoulders. Then we moved onto the Chest press machine and more on the triceps. I seriously felt like my arms were going to fall off from fatigue. We ended today doing crunches that worked my lower abs more than anything else. It was a great wkout. Clint had the car today with Conner so I stayed at the gym until Kaily finished school, 11:30-2. I ran with the Elliptical 2.25 miles and then did the stationary bike for 6.25 miles and then walked it out for 1 mile. I did some stretching and whole lot of sweating. Today I told my trainer that I'm always SO hungry now. She said if I'm hungry and I'm hydrated to go ahead and eat. Make sure what I eat is good for me, but eat. She told me that for my body size I need to be eating more protein and make sure I get the right kind of carbs with it. I feel so great and I'm starting to feel a difference in my body. It's small, but I can feel it.

BTW, Thank you for all the great comments and for taking this journey with me. I can't tell you how much it means to me and how much it keeps me motivated.

I'm so glad it's NOT monday!

Yesterday was a BAD day. My alarm didn't go off, I got some bad news about some bills, Clint's class got cancelled and he had to find a new one. The new class changed my wkout schedule so I had to cancel today's wkout with my trainer and figure out something else. Anyway, it was one thing after another yesterday morning. I chose not to go wkout because I wanted to put a dent in my house wk. I have realized that if I don't go first thing in the morning or have a very set time to go I won't do it.

Today...What a difference a day can make. I feel great went to bed early last night, woke-up early worked out for 1 hr and have been able to get lots done this morning. I was able to change my wkouts to Mon and Wed. This week and next I will wkout Wed and Fri, to make sure I get in my 2 sessions. I think I will like this schedule better anyway b/c this way I can do long runs on Sat and not worry about lifting weights. I want to get back into running 5k's and 10k's. There is a great feeling when you accomplish something you work so hard for.

I started my food journal today. I found a great template on Microsoft Word that I modified a little, to make it my own. So far so good.